Vampirism Test

🧛 Purely for entertainment — made up by us, not a real psychological instrument of any kind. Take it as seriously as a mirror that doesn't show your reflection.

It is 3 a.m. and you are wide awake. Why?I never really sleep. Centuries of habit.I'm out, somewhere I shouldn't be, having a wonderful time.I woke up hungry. Very hungry.I have work in five hours and I regret everything.

How do you take a compliment?With a slow, knowing smile. I already knew.I nod once, from four hundred years of practice.I growl something that might be "thanks."I panic and change the subject.

Your idea of a good night out:A crowded room where I can hunt for company.An empty church, a library, or a graveyard. Silence.Anywhere with a full moon and no witnesses.Home, with the lights on, thanks.

Someone crosses you. You:Wait. Revenge is a dish best served over decades.Charm them until they forget they were ever angry.React immediately, and it is not pretty.Write a strongly worded text I never send.

Garlic bread is served at dinner. Your move:I recoil instinctively before I can stop myself.I decline politely and change the topic.I eat it anyway. I've survived worse mistakes.I feed it to whoever I am trying to seduce instead.

Your reflection in the mirror tonight:Immaculate. It always is.Tired. Ancient things get tired too.Feral, honestly. I haven't checked in days.A person who needs more sleep.

How do you feel about the sunrise?A personal enemy. I plan my life around avoiding it.Romantic, from a safe distance, with the right company.I don't plan. I just end up avoiding it by instinct.Fine? It means coffee is coming.